Synopsis

When Linda awakens in a hospital bed, she catches Cookie Pus replacing her pills with jimmies. When she laments about her not being happy in life, Cookie Puss reassures her that she’s already made and turns on the TV. A continuation of the docuseries shows more unfortunate episodes in Linda’s life. She’s spotted eating garbage in the street and ranting incoherently in an elderly couple’s bushes. When daddy dies, she becomes a recluse and grows so large rescue workers need a wrecking ball to get her out of her condo.

Things pick up after treatment. Linda is thriving on the set of Lifetime’s You Can Have Your Cake and Eat It Too: The Linda Carvel Story. The miniseries in which she’s the executive producer. We see her triumphantly breaking ground on the Carvel Museum, but behind the facade she’s still suffering. Her spokesperson tells the media she’s suffering from exhaustion and going on long overdue vacation. But we see her take a private flight to an eating disorders clinic.

After Linda gets out, she relapses again. Intoxicated, she exposes herself at a drive through and it’s all caught on camera. When she’s found in a motel surrounded by narcotics, plastic spoons, and empty ice cream containers, the law gets involved. During a high profile trial, she’s charged with possession of controlled substances. And then further humiliated when paparazzis catch her in the restroom eating a pizza.

DanRae Wilson, Alanna Blair, 2008 ©Marsian DeLellis

As part of work probation, she begins as a tour guide in the Carvel Museum (or so we think). We come back to Linda’s tour in progress just where it left off – in front of the Cookie Puss display. She’s been tranced out this whole time, reliving her memories, and the tour group has disbanded.

A security guard finds Linda eating a zebra pie off the floor and asks if she’s alright. But the security guard isn’t a guard at all, he’s a nurse and we realize Linda has been giving her tour in a mental institution the entire time. She tells the nurse she’s fine, but she sounds like Cookie Puss.